


the new normal

by ladyofdecember



Category: Red Dwarf (UK TV)
Genre: Angst, Character Death, Grief/Mourning, M/M, Season/Series 08
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-03
Updated: 2020-09-03
Packaged: 2021-03-06 18:41:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 807
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26273542
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ladyofdecember/pseuds/ladyofdecember
Summary: Lister takes losing Rimmer a second time pretty hard. Takes place during the series 8 finale.
Relationships: Dave Lister/Arnold Rimmer
Comments: 4
Kudos: 21





	the new normal

**Author's Note:**

> This is pure, unadulterated angst and sadness because I just couldn't deal with the idea of Rimmer, brought back to life once again, trapped on a firery ship all alone and dying. That is just... horrific. 
> 
> "And I hate to make this all about me  
> But who am I supposed to talk to?  
> What am I supposed to do  
> If there's no you?"  
> \--Soon You'll Get Better by Taylor Swift

He banged his fist against the reflective surface, feeling frustrated and overwhelmed with his sudden inability to get back in.

Lister, Kryten, Kochanski and the Cat had all just hopped over and in to this mirror universe. With Red Dwarf surely about to be destroyed and Rimmer nowhere in sight with the formula to fix it, they'd made the desperate escape after the man into the mirror. What were they supposed to do? Just wait around amidst the fire and the flames and crumbling ship? They'd had no choice, it was now or never and at least here they'd have a fighting chance. They'd survive the explosion.

But upon arriving and quickly looking around, it soon became apparent that Rimmer was nowhere to be found. He'd gone back, returned just as planned with the formula only to be too late.

Lister slumped against the mirror, feeling his grief overtake him. There was no way back, he was trapped over there, he was going to die on a firey ship all alone.

“We have to get back... “ Lister gasped out finding his strength to keep pummeling the mirror leaving him.

Kryten stood behind him nervously. “I'm sorry sir, there's no way. I don't have the parts needed to make another prism laser and even if I could, it's much too late. The ship, Red Dwarf, it's gone.”

Kochanski and the Cat looked on as Lister banged his forehead one last time into the mirror, shutting his eyes tightly as tears slipped down his cheeks.

He had lost him. He had lost him once before with Rimmer leaving to go fulfill his destiny as Ace. And he'd missed him sorely, dearly, terribly. He'd missed him like he never thought he could miss a person, which was saying something, considering he used to be the last of his species. 

His absence in his life had left a hole he couldn't seem to find a way to fill. He'd felt dread, anger that the man had actually left after all those years of insisting it was the two of them together forever till the end, all those years of Rimmer convinced he would turn him off one day, would return to Earth and forget all about him. And here now, the irony was that it was he who had abruptly turned and left him behind.

And then Lister had felt shame that it was actually he who had convinced the man to leave. He'd convinced him it was the right thing to do, that he had to go, he had to fulfill his destiny. But then, he hadn't been really thinking of how great of a loss he'd leave behind, had he?

Lister had struggled to accept that Rimmer was truly gone, dreaming of him often and feeling completely crazy for half expecting to see him in every room he walked into. Eventually, the man had seemed to cope well enough with the gang's new dynamic or as well as one could when keeping all of their feelings bottled up tightly inside.

And then suddenly as if the universe had answered his prayers, Rimmer was back in his life like nothing had changed. This Rimmer was albeit less happy to see him and more suspicious of his intentions, but Lister would take it. Anything to have the man back in his life.

He worked hard to get back on the man's good side, to get him to trust him. He understood his concerns, for this Rimmer, Lister was hardly his best mate. Back in the day they'd fought viciously over nonsense and just because. With no real rhyme or reason to the arguments, most on the outside would just assume their personalities clashed too harshly for the two to ever truly get along. Lister supposed that was true but a small part of him wondered if he were intentionally antagonizing the man back then, if only to keep his attention centered squarely on him.

Standing up from the mirror before him, Lister stared hard at his teary eyed reflection and of his crewmates standing farther back behind him. His lip quivered as he tried to imagine Rimmer on the other side, alone and scared, desperately trying to fight the fires no doubt rising up around him. He shook his head sharply to remove the images from his head. It was done. He'd lost him once again.

And as he turned to quickly leave the room, Kryten tried to lay a comforting hand upon his shoulder but it was shrugged off.

He didn't want comfort. He didn't want condolences or nice, pretty words. He didn't want anything except Rimmer back. But then again, he'd lost the man twice already and the truth was there aching inside of him.

He didn't deserve him, he never did. And now he'd never see him again.


End file.
